The path leading to nowhere

In the hope to achieve one’s dream, one must have the spirit of the river. He must let himself flow like the stream flows through the dreaded valley.”

There is always a feeling that lies within when he sees the ball of fire submerge in the crimson skies. Although, it barely gives him the same feeling as it gave when he was the ever smiling lad, it fills up his heart with the remorse of solitude. It’s as if he were defeated in the battle to survive among the zillions living in a bedazzled city. It makes him numb unparalleled to the effect of alcohol or for that matter drugs. The numbness seems to have stolen the sparkle of his eyes. Even in the dilapidated state as he sits laid back on the peak and watches the clear sky jeweled with stars, a strange tranquility sets in.

The valley lies far away from the city. Staring at the sparkling blanket Jack lay pondering recollecting memoirs of the bloodbath. There is an odd smile here and there but none close to the spectacle once known. It’s been a while that anyone saw a wholehearted smile on his face. Nobody knows what happened to the lad with sparkling eyes and winsome murmurs. Did he set along with the ball? Or was he flown away by the gusts of wind? What happened to Jack is still a mystery. As the night grew so did his remorse. The thought deepens and makes him realize the worth of his existence. In such a situation normally a smile would be a reaction that one would find on his face. But life shows an altogether different story this time.

It’s been a while since Jack’s existence mattered. The cancer-stick burns the desires which he once had. All that he has been doing since an age seems to be stare at the green valley. As the gusts of wind blow, the black shawl floats like a kite sails at the highest altitude. The turbulence of the waters below creates a mental turmoil which is aggravated by the black shawl covering his face.

He was born in a city known to be the city of dreams. Lurkshire was an eventful place with extraordinary people. You could find excellent charmers all around and the encyclopedia varied from abc’s to alpha, beta, zeta’s, from English to Latin, from Classics to Sci-fi’s, name it and you would find a man with unparalleled learning of the genre.

The memories bring back the tender touch of his angel taking him into her arms, caressing, protecting and bestowing her blessings. He finds himself crawling on the floor surrounded with toys and his very own teddy with fur coming out of the armpits, missing eyeballs and bitten arms, yet so sweet. The toy train circling round and round bringing smiles and words yet to come. Of all the things that come to his memory what did matter most to him was his cradle. It was his world, a three by two feet kingdom with the king’s men Donald, Mickey, the gi-joe’s and so on. All that mattered was lying there to pick up a kings man and torment him using his mighty jaws. The animal love as they call it dominated the armor known to withstand unearthly blows.

It isn’t long as his happiness is screwed by the witch Zelda. Although it isn’t Zelda’s intent to burn down his kingdom, but how does he know? All he knows is the feeling of being lifted unwanted. He is not interested in the walks of fantasy. Neither do the words make any effect on his ears nor do the antiques bring any smiles. Finally, it results into an outburst of a high pitched attack. Zelda has not yet had her share of pulling the rosy cheeks, but even she can’t handle the fatal attacks. With unparallel supremacy he lands into the arms of Princess Carla. Unlike Zelda, her touch is soft and full of love. It gives him the same feeling as he gets in the arms of his angel. Eventually, after being tossed like a ball here and there, he can no more withstand and gives out a cry that only one can handle. As a result, he lands up into the arms of his angel. The sense makes him roll over the turmoil and bestow mercy for Zelda, Carla and the likes.

There is a sense of calm, as if the sea had become silent after a storm. The seagull flies as it kisses the water. The sky is clear again and finally there is a clear thought coming back. There is a glow in his face as he recollects her face in the silence of the night. As has always been the case, the calm perishes with the midnight cry of the owl.

It was a hot summer afternoon when Jack left Lurkshire walking the path leaving behind the past to live what’s ahead. But one can not just erase the memories of what’s engraved deep within one’s heart. Jack boots his system to play the past and realize what is that he truly seeks. As the reels start to roll, he sees himself playing with balls, toy cars, dolls and being taken into arms by unknown people. As he starts to gain control over his mind and body, he realizes the smiles that he brings around himself. Although, it isn’t completely clear as to him how he does it. The reel fast forwards and he sees himself trying to handle the weight of his body with his tender feet. He falls, rises again and falls but he has a lot of nerve. Never does he allow his determination to falter. Finally with the crutches, the support offered by her he manages to take the first few steps. Unaware of the fact of why is he trying to achieve the crutch free state, he makes the effort. It’s an equally magical moment for the angel as well. Barely does she realize that she is also taking the first few steps.

The next chapter begins as he walks dressed in blue shorts, white shirt, and a blue tie. He waves goodbye to her as tears kiss his cheeks again and again. Surrounded by blue shorts, white shirts and blue ties he is introduced to the facts of life. He does not understand two plus two’s or abc’s, or is it that he does not want to. Fighting with numbers and letters he has started to identify the surroundings. Slowly but steadily he has accustomed to the oval desks. Chalks seem to be his passion and the teacher barely finds it and has to get new ones whenever she gets in. And then he watches himself chanting ‘ring-a-ring-a roses, pocket full of poses, hasha busha and all fall down’. Through abc’s to Gulliver’s travels. From two plus two to triangles and rectangles the picture is getting clearer.

Jack was a bright chap and could handle the burden much better than his fellow mates. Never had it happened that he was not surrounded by others for chit chat or cooperation. As the reel rolls he finds himself sailing through complex equations, digesting the facts of once known civilizations, heroes who fought valiantly to save kingdoms, the alchemy which gave birth to numerous drugs, and the enchanting world of the camera. There is a pause, and then he finds himself fighting hard on his video game set to rescue the princess, to protect the world from alien creatures, and flying on a magic carpet with Jasmine.

The reel stops as tears roll down his cheeks. Unable to understand what had happened to the tinsel, he can’t control his urge to get back. Then suddenly he faces the facts as the reel starts to roll again. He finds himself battling with books desperately to prove himself to his role model. What matters to him now is achievement. No longer can he enjoy the luxury of rescuing damsels in distress or racing through busy streets. The overshadowed realization of responsibility has set in. How could he face the times yet to come without performing impeccably to realize a modeled dream? He is pestered with the orchestra playing. The orchestra’s notes remain the same. The music demands potential and performance without the understanding of why it needs to be done. Unaware of what things are going to be he has to survive and battle through the present. He has to gain command in all the fields of academics to achieve a score to make it to a so called deemed institution. No one has ever told him what would be the result of the choices he makes. What could be the possible reason for choosing calculus over baseball? Was it that he was delinquent in music or was it that he didn’t have the ability to steer the Ferrari well enough? He doesn’t have the choice. Pretty much is the case that even though given the choice he would not be able to make it. There is only one reason behind the inability to make the choice – he has been crippled since ages. All he has done so far is what he has been asked to do. Suddenly out of blue the axe of time is hanging around his neck. Taking the right decision within a flash is not something which his heart can guide him to. Once he wished to soar in the skies, another time he wished to handle magnums, yet again someday he wished smash pacers all over the stadium. He had desires to ride horses, become a physicist, and become a magician. But he never had followed the path to make his dream come true.

The choices which he made were the choices what he was asked to make. They were willfully made because he never had any will left to decide. What could he do? Let the role model’s heart rest in pain till eternity; make the eyes of his angel wet for ages. He questions himself again and again - Why does it have to be this way? All his questions are answered in a fashion which leaves him speechless. What could he have done when his desire to become a fighter pilot got the reply of not having the heart to protect him for the one’s who love him? Could he possibly evade his passion for games because it is not sufficiently reasonable enough? Instead why doesn’t he go for engineering when he already loves science and mathematics? Or may be he could become a surgeon, haven’t you seen how much he cares?

Eventually, in spite of turmoil he makes the choice. He finds himself studying varied concepts, from law of inertia to calculus, from benzene to circular motion, from Bohr’s model to collision theory and so on. Hardly does he remember the conflict within himself. There is an ambition, a determination and a will to prove that he is worthy of having the luxuries which have been banned. And why, when he looks back is that he can concentrate to achieve the goal. The perennial wish to toy with the tennis racket and cricket balls seems to be unsatisfied.

Jack can’t take the flash anymore. There is a big interval before the reel unwinds again. By this time Jack tries to focus on what did he do and what he did. He understands the concern and anxiety of the one’s who love him. All they wish for is to have a secure future for there genius. They realize the dearth of ability to make the choice which he could have made, but they are governed by the facts which they have witnessed. When he was struggling with equations his angel was working hard taking care of his needs. He finds his role model maneuvering the thick books to guide him through the physical world. How could he not see the pain they were going through while he was complaining all along? Jack’s eyes are numb and his heart is pricked with needles. Each and every argument, all the fights are flashing before his eyes. But he understands that it is the share of the burden which they had to take to make him what he is today. Then as a sweet punch of nectar the black carpet shadows his vision.